Say no to hugs!

 I don't know about you, but as a parent there are so many things we can worry about. Especially when our children are young. One particular statistic makes me cringe.  I heard it a while ago before I even had kids. 1 in 3 girls are sexually assaulted and (even worse) most of the time by someone they know and are supposed to be able to trust. I know its not just little girls we need to worry about. It happens to little boys too. I have thought, "How can I prevent this from happening? How can I teach my children about this?" It's a hard subject and makes me sick. But I have to protect my babies and I am not always with them.

 I read a blog a few years ago about not making your kids give people hugs or kisses if they don't want to. Even family members. How unhealthy this practice is for our children. You have heard it. We guilt and bribe children if they say no when some one asks for a hug or kiss. "Auntie is going to be so sad if you don't give her a hug." "I will give you a candy if you give me a kiss." Do you see the error in this?  They are being taught that they can't say no that it's some how not okay, and if they get something, then it must be okay or they have to do it.  How will they be able to say no or tell someone if someone touches them inappropriately? They will be able to be guilted or bribed in to thinking that's okay too.

So I do not make my children give hugs or kisses if they don't want to. This includes anyone and everyone. I am teaching them it's okay to say no. Their body is private and they have the right not to be touched in any way. Even a hug is inappropriate if they don't want it. It's not just good touches vs. bad touches. A "good" by someone else's definition may still be a bad touch.

I also have started to teach them that we don't kiss anyone on the lips besides family. A kiss on the cheek is fine but no lips. Not only does it teach boundaries but also for health reasons. Lets not help the spread of germs.

I want my kids to respect their bodies and know that they can make others respect their body too. No is an okay answer. I don't want to be mean about it but I am going to start stating my ground. Know that I am not discriminating against you if I tell you my child does have to give you a hug or not to kiss them. This is for their protection as well as yours. I hope I made others think and I have helped to protect other children. That is our jobs as parents, to protect our children and teach them how to protect themselves, because we won't always be there. I don't want my girls to end up a statistic.